Anger is a natural and "normal" emotion but sometimes anger can become "out of control". It can be linked to violence, conflict, child abuse, marriage and family breakdown, bullying, and rioting.
Chronic anger that is directed towards self and/or others may lead to self-destructive patterns, addiction, assault, and/or suicidal behavior. Stress from chronic anger can contribute to changes in the central nervous system, depression and physical illness. Unhealthy expressions of anger can be very dangerous and may require professional assistance. However, we have presented some basic information about anger and a few tips to help you better manage your own anger and how to approach someone who is directing anger towards you.
If anger has been or is becoming a problem in your life, there are things that you can do to take back control!
Chronic anger that is directed towards self and/or others may lead to self-destructive patterns, addiction, assault, and/or suicidal behavior. Stress from chronic anger can contribute to changes in the central nervous system, depression and physical illness. Unhealthy expressions of anger can be very dangerous and may require professional assistance. However, we have presented some basic information about anger and a few tips to help you better manage your own anger and how to approach someone who is directing anger towards you.
If anger has been or is becoming a problem in your life, there are things that you can do to take back control!
- Take responsibility. Be aware that anger is a problem and decide why you are motivated to make some changes
- In the counseling setting, determine where the anger is stemming from. Often when a person becomes angry, there is something underlying the anger. Especially if, in hindsight, you are able to realize that the anger was out of proportion to the event.
- Use healthy communication styles to express anger.
- Attempt to understand the other persons point of view.
- Agree that physical violence is NEVER an option.
- Focus on the current issue rather than bringing up past events.
- When someone is angry with you, avoid reacting back with anger, this will only escalate the anger of both of you.
- If anger is your habitual response, you are not allowing yourself to choose the best option for responding. Take time to think about the best option for responding.
- Ask yourself if you are using anger as a way to keep from getting close to others or to keep others from getting too close to you.
- Anger is often the secondary emotion. What is really causing the anger? Sadness, guilt, or fear often are what is triggering the anger response.
- Move from anger to problem solving. Figure out what the problem is and work to solve the solution. Anger does not solve problems!
- Avoid trying to settle difficult or conflict-related issues when driving, going to bed, waking up, eating, rushed, in public, or during activities you normally do for relaxation, e.g. taking a walk.
- Generally avoid interrupting a person who is venting angry feelings, and when possible use a sincere soft voice and reflect the angry person’s point of view to help/her him feel understood.
- When you or the other person is feeling too angry to talk reasonably, take a break. You could say, "I’m not able to talk right now, but I do want to talk about this as soon as possible."
- If the other person is withdrawn in angry silence, occasionally invite him/her to talk by letting them know that you are ready when they are.
- While anger may be expressed aggressively, passively, or assertively, the healthiest expression is usually assertive. The ultimate goal is to learn how to express or withhold anger intentionally in a way that has the most effective, healing, and healthy outcome.
